Q And A Forum: To Have No Visible Erection While Your Partner Has Is Normal-Arousal Discordancy


Yes, there is such a thing as two partners not having same amorous expression and that should not bother you. Some are earlier bloomers and others late bloomers.

A client asked why some "Bottoms" remain flaccid or have mild erection when in the act of making love yet their "Tops" are fully erect? This bothered the client.


Gender/Identity/Sexuality Expansive Spectrum-GES 101!


It means so much, including gender/identity/sexuality fluidity which means your partner may not be in congruence with your peak of expression but it doesn't mean absence of desire.  You could be rushing things by the way!

It is not a must that two partners must have the same identical feelings when aroused. A male can be a late erectiler and still remain male. Or a female may simply not be aroused as fast as you are. It does not mean she is less female!

Do not take it personal. It is a biological clock working. Call it arousal time zones. Very different but they exist. Right?

Sexuality, Gender, Identity and Orientation are so fluid my brother, my sister. 

This is a tricky situation. Imagine you both are 92 years and very intimate. Or Imagine you are whatever age and you both get aroused which can be manifested differently or one of you does not. 

Arousal or Erectile Discordance among gay partners is so common and it is evidence that there is more to gay love than arousal or erect cocks or dicks or large/small cocks for that matter.

Actualization goals are different. Some are really not into sexual consummation. Some seek to actualize their female to male transition. Some are into leg shapes, body shape, finger alignment, hair styles, voice, intellectual consummation and the like.

I conclude that: Bottom or top is used as power play by some who still borrow from patriarchal power-dominance acts that are Darwinian. 

Yet Homosexuality is a form of counter Patriarchy force. Those who see it as counter Patriarchy use the Top-Bottom designations as a means of marking spaces and showing the fluidity of masculinity whether the penis erects or not. It is part of that fluidity and a premium only the homos enjoy!

Be in charge and do not allow sexual arousal be the only determinant of your gay sexual life or the life outside sex.




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